When I’m Weak

I stepped slowly across the threshold for the back door and swatted it closed behind me. I wandered aimlessly to the dining room.

It was hot. I was weak.. and hot. But still…

When I’m weak, I sit and wait.

Then I meandered to the living room and plopped down on the sofa. My eyes scanned the room slowly and I mentally listed the things I should do, like dust all the trim and baseboards…

… and pull weeds.

But I was weak…and hot.

When I’m weak, I sit and wait.

I thought, “I should take an iron pill. That would fortify me…make me strong. “

And still I sat.

Thinking and looking…pondering.

Outside I heard the buuuzzzz-snap of the weed eater twine as it clicked off and on and on again.

Philip whipped his way around the yard and flower beds. I thought, “I really should go help him and keep pulling weeds.”

I felt remorse at wasting a perfectly beautifully humidly sweltering day, simply because I was hot and weak.

Still I sat.

And in the midst of all the “weed-eater-buuuuzzing-and-weed-pulling-sweating”, did I overhear you say that you have strived to live a life of no regret? You’ve tried to make your next best choice.

Yeah, I thought so. I thought that’s what I heard you say.

And yet in spite of all your trying, regret has reared its’ ugly head in your mind and you mentality listed all those misplaced “regrets” of all your GOOD decisions and GOOD choices and put them right there on today’s list of looking around at all the ‘what ifs”?

And I think I heard you stifle a cry

blink back a tear

gulp back words you fear to speak.

*sigh*

That’s what I thought.

You’ve written me. You’ve texted me. You’ve told me… in spite of your best effort there is so much pain.

You know what? I relate to that.

I relate to that big bag of regret, that’s bulging full and overflowing of good choices and good decisions and good life experiences and yet today’s sweltering heat and humidly perfectly beautiful day is sapping your energy and tempting you to look back. And all those good choices that you are bagging up and calling REGRET really have no business sapping today’s energy from tomorrow’s promise.

Yesterday has passed.

Yesterday was as WONDERFUL as possible.

Climb up on top of that bag… that bag full of GOOD choices

AND WAIT.

When I’m weak, I sit and wait.

That bag full of all your good choices…

It’s a stepping stone!

IT’S A STEPPING STONE!!!!!!

If you need to climb up on it and flop down and flail around and just wait, that’s perfectly ok!!!

When I’m weak, I sit and wait.

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Even young men and women grow faint and weak and fall, but those who hope and wait on God, will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40: 30-31

Don’t grow weary in doing good because at the right time you will reap a harvest if you don’t faint. And as you have opportunity do good to all. Galatians 6:9-10.

When I’m weak, I sit and wait.