Philip said I almost died.
All I know is that I was sicker-more-sick-as-sick-as-I’ve-ever-been-sick.
Saturday before Easter I was admitted to the hospital and spent a few days on IV antibiotics and had a miriad of tests run. It’s taken a long time to recover. Hhhhmmmm, have I recovered??
This year has been difficult, but I’m just like you…
…you and I don’t want people to see our pain or our struggles or our heartache, so we hide it. Because we’re empathetic. And when we see someone hurting or struggling, we emotionally put ourselves in their shoes and quickly realize that their situation is WAY worse than what we’re dealing with and so we don’t give our feelings adequate recognition.
You do that too. Don’t you? I know. I can see it in you.
Then that becomes an unhealthy weight, an unhealthy weight of refusal to acknowledge pain and struggle and heartache. And then you just stay stuck right in the murk of helplessness because if your problem isn’t as bad as theirs, then everything must surely be ok.
And so as my numbers dropped lower and lower and lower and as the doctors continued to try to figure out what was happening with my body, there I lay, not knowing where this was leading.
The nurse practitioner walked in and wrote Happy Easter! on the marker board with a black marker…there I was helpless, in the care of amazing nurses…the first time since 1991 that I hadn’t had Easter eggs to hunt, for our kids and others.
I wish I could say I felt peaceful. But I honestly can’t say that I did. I wish I could say that I felt surrounded by prayer, but I didn’t. Even though I knew people were praying for me and even though I knew PEACE was present.
I don’t like being this honest and raw…because I was SUPPOSED to feel PEACE. I was supposed to feel prayers…at least that’s what I thought.
Honesty is painful. Isn’t it?
And I wondered, have I lived my BEST life? Oh yeah, I’ve tried to do good. And always do the right thing and be honest and be kind. I accept Christ’s redemption for my sins. But I wondered if anything I’ve done has been worthwhile in God’s eyes? I wondered if my life ended soon, had it mattered? Would I hear, ” Well done!”? I wondered if I had really laid aside every weight to run the marathon of life with endurance.
Have I let a lot of GOOD crowd out the BEST?
I’ve done a lot of soul searching as I’ve gone through my days. I’ve been “laying aside weight”…things that may be hindering my focus…I’ve been laying aside good things…and that has been painful too. And I don’t like to admit that either. But I want my life to be effective. I want others to see a bright LIGHT shining…not one with the murky glow of good…just good enough.
This year I’ve learned many things and I know you have too.
I’ll leave you with three thoughts I’ve had.
- In life, the wonderful experiences and joy can get all mixed up and stirred around in the difficult and tragic experiences. And you just can’t separate it, so look for the joy and the God sightings each day.
- Every day, every experience matters. Life is a marathon. Lay aside every weight (even the good ones) to run with patience and endurance for your BEST life.
3. Thank goodness for a Baby, that came to earth and was laid right down in the middle of all our mixed up joy and sorrow. And HE brought PEACE. I know HE brought PEACE even though I don’t always feel it…that’s what FAITH is.
So what are your thoughts…your struggles…the weights you are laying aside?
If you could see me now…it doesn’t look like I’ve laid aside every weight…in fact it looks a little messy and chaotic..
…but thank goodness for A BABY!!
Y’all are my tribe…my people. Thank you so much for your kind words and the times you share these posts and encourage your friends to subscribe. I appreciate your confidence more than I know how to express.